Hey I guess we all just need a break from thinking about what’s happening with the election right now so here’s a picture of an 80s festive jumper i just scored in a charity shop for £3.99 to wear ironically when global temperatures rise by 3 degrees. It’s a bit Partridge! I will say, and that will be extra ironic because East Anglia will be permanently under water. Ho Ho Ho. Please enjoy this break from politics thank you.
Stop buying shit you don’t need! Stop buying other people shit they don’t need! In this climate, that is a radical move. Next up: give away a whole heap of shit you don’t need! I don’t mean broken crap that you don’t want but reckon it’s good enough for the charity shop. That isn’t charity. I mean stuff that is clean, working and useful, just not to you. This year i’m giving away anything that doesn’t spark joy, which includes the 78 different recipe books I have been gifted over the years (wow! no), my least favourite child and the mental and physical load of clearing the house out every year just before Christmas. It’s the most wonderful time of the year. If you are in the shops, and you see someone moving towards the scented face cream section, just make SAS ‘retreat’ signals at them until they understand. Follow them into the jewellery section and prevent them from buying something with a heart on it by silently making a heart shape with your fingers and then slamming your fists against the glass cabinets until they put some actual thought into their gift buying. No guys. NO.
CASH TO SPARE
Buy your presents in charity shops. Get into town. Recycle, reuse, donate, shop local, all in one. That’s efficiency, that is. Try Oxfam online if you can’t get to the shops. Or buy a gift from the Choose Love site. There are many terrible things gathering pace at the moment, at home and abroad, and we need to see how they are connected. We are all connected and we all need to be fucking nice to each other – not passively, but urgently, and as an act of rebellion. Plus, get yourself a party dress off of oxfam, go on. You can wear it while stockpiling your cupboards with Blitz spirit and asthma meds for Brexit, and imagine you are a TV chef!
It’s dark and freezing out, so as soon as you are at home wear all your brightest clothes, like all of them, and wrap yourself in actual lights and put some tunes on and rave it up in your kitchen while you make a hot beverage of your choice, HAVE IT LARGE, YOU WONT BE STOPPED