There’s an election on!! Have you SEEEEEN??? Tis the season! The Conservatives have picked Christmas time for an election, because it plays to their core values – elaborate lies about old white men! Decreasing the surplus population! And of course, a perennial fave: pregnant women in temporary accommodation.

The best thing about an election really is that you get to enjoy the democratic processes and the rule of law that we fought a world war to protect, before everyone currently getting nostalgic about the ‘good old days’ votes to obliterate them in a way the Blitz never did. Because if there is one thing the British do better than anyone else, it’s irony. And also – genocide.

Anyway, never mind how you vote, what’s most important is that we respect each other’s opinions. I’m joking of course. So, if you came here looking for phrases like ‘agree to disagree’ then you need to pick another place, and a decade that isn’t only responsible for Dominic Raab as a credible political force, but also the recommissioning of Death in Paradise 9 ACTUAL TIMES, including the ones with that guy from the BT ads, as if we haven’t suffered enough. Anyway, buckle up, strap in, get your big girl pants on, or big pants at the very least and get out there because we need to get the Tories out or die trying. Find out how to vote tactically. Get in touch with your local campaign office, put up posters, man a stall, wear a sticker, share something online, drive people to the polling booth, all of this stuff is free if you have the time. You can canvass! You can travel to a marginal seat and canvass there! Tell people to Vote With Love:) Come to my marginal seat where there may be as few as 100 votes in it and stop me shouting ‘I SAID VOTE WITH LOVE, YOU SHITS’ and showing everyone my hostile environment. This is not a drill. I’m very tired, I haven’t slept more than 6 hours/night for the last 8 years and I have 73 things to organise before Christmas and working to prevent my childrens’ early death from a preventable disease because of lack of affordable health care is like, number THREE. God bless us, every one!

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