High Heels At Work Are Necessary and Here’s Why

LOOKING SEXY

Always wear stilettos at work. Be extra sexy by wearing them in your bra! Stand imposingly at windows. Rotate your entire body to point your 6 inch stiletto nipples at a colleague, and shout ‘GET ME THE NEW YORK OFFICE’.

FEELING CONFIDENT

Remember, confidence is key. Arrive at work in high heels! Arrive at work in giant sparkly high heels that fit 6 people and are hauled in by a forklift truck!

Take your high heeled shoes to the all you can eat buffet. Now you have three bowls. I HAVE POTATO WEDGES IN MY WEDGES hate the game, not the player my man.

MANAGING OTHER PEOPLE’S FEELINGS

Is that a question that’s actually a comment? That’s new! Use a high heeled shoe to tap out ‘this guy lol’ in morse code on your desk so nobody feels challenged.

Is someone talking to you about Game of Thrones? Really? Still? Interrupt by shouting ‘RING RING’ and pretending to talk into an espadrille. Mouth ‘sorry’ and move slowly away. Sorry your dragon programme was shit, Mark!

Use your kitten heels as collection boxes for Sandra’s card and leaving present. Best of luck in your new role as an assassin, Sandra! Enjoy your half-day spa voucher XOXO

DON’T FORGET stilettos make excellent:

Plant pots for your desk.

Snack pots with handy fruit kebab section

Snacks

Wine bottle openers at 10.30am

Eye catching headphones

Puncture wounds

PRO TIP

If you are staying in a hotel that requires it’s female staff to wear high heels, gently help management to make changes by leaving a trail of high heeled shoes from your room to the hotel lobby, where you have written the words ‘FUCK OFF’ in 10 foot letters on the floor. The letters are entirely made out of high heeled shoes! Nice touch, Karen 👌